Determined, not Defeated

I started a business about 3 years ago.

But as I sat at my dining room table today updating my master inventory spreadsheet, (that’s from almost 3 years ago!) part of me felt like I just started this business yesterday.  I caught myself just a few minutes ago in the midst of a pity party.  I mean, if I had let go it would have ended up being a full fledge cake and ice cream with streamers type of event.  (I did have frozen yogurt earlier, so there’s that!)

But, I find myself more and more in a slump lately.  I wonder what I was thinking when I left a full time job and stepped into this big bad world of entrepreneurship.  I was an administrative assistant for 15 years of my life and now I own a company.  And, I’m not talking about a company where I have an up line and someone I can call when I’m way out of my element.  I mean the buck stops HERE. 

As I live in the world of “Women in Business” now, and attend conferences/ luncheons with other women who are running their own companies I sometimes sit back, sip on my sweet tea, eat my stuffed cupcake and wonder “Who am I?”

I attended a luncheon recently with a panel of women entrepreneurs, and listening to them talk about their dedication I felt in over my head.  Defeated.  I don’t have what it takes.  I can’t do this as well as they have. I am not cut out for this.  I should give up.

But, then there are other times.  When I am in the midst of a woe-is-me event and stop myself to remember there is another side to all this.  The part of me that took a leap of faith and believed I could do this.  The side that is determined not to give up.  The one that feels more alive than ever knowing that God has gifted me with something.  And, I can either take it and run with it (and fall a lot!) or I can let go and always wonder what would have happened.

I don’t want to wonder. 

Have you ever reached a point in your life where you took a leap of faith and now you feel like you are in over your head?

Can I encourage you?

Go back to the day you took the leap.  Remember what made you jump in the first place.  There is always a passion and purpose behind every leap of faith. 

But, we don’t live in the leap.  

We live in the current.  Where the water is rushing around us and sometimes we get pulled under.  Where we are being pulled down stream and it takes everything for us to come up for air.  But, when we remember why we chose this path in the first place, and that God is there as our life raft to help keep us afloat, we can breathe easier and not fight so hard against what is meant to build our endurance. 

So, I am going to go back into my black hole of inventory spreadsheets.  And if anyone is looking for me I’ll be the girl sitting at the dining room table, with bracelets overflowing out of her lap, and a bowl of frozen vanilla yogurt with sprinkles sitting by my side.

And, I’ll be thanking God that I’m not the only one who takes leaps of faith.


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